Ephemeral Hue
by Hari-chan15
Summary: "Since I immensely dislike the prospect of recording my thoughts into a journal, I'm solely doing this on Lightning's recommendation." Hope must undergo another journey of self-discovery.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **I just randomly thought of this story in those moments of boredom. Creative criticism is highly valued. Oh, and FFXIII belongs to Square Enix, not me (although it would be pretty cool if it did).

_According to Snow, I've been thinking too much lately; I've been looking too deep into things. One of the most, and I quote Snow, "efficient" ways of relieving myself of my overwhelming thoughts is to write them down." Even lightning abetted his opinion by urging me to write. I immensely dislike the prospect of recording my thoughts into a journal, so I'm solely doing this on Lightning's recommendation of getting my thoughts together. I don't really know who else will be reading this (it better not be Snow), but whatever. _

_So here goes…_

_I immensely dislike predicaments in which one of those cheesy, self-help, one-liners comes into your life. A perfect example is "be yourself;" when you realize that being yourself no matter what is the most important factor in making your friends; if you cannot be yourself around them, then they are not compatible with who you are. Therefore, the above mentioned two words establish their already existing-but-never-acknowledged-before-with-greater-understanding presence in your life… in terms of friendship. Or whatever else to which they are applicable. Okay, I know that I'm starting to overanalyze simple things. But I guess that's just me, right?_

_Anyway, the reason that I dislike the common-knowledge quotations is because when you finally do experience them, or understand them, you really can't really mention that feat in a normal conversation in fear of people raising their eyebrow and saying 'yeah, so?' _

_Fine, I know that I don't need to mention personal accomplishments to friends, and true friends wouldn't make you feel bad about discovering something that would enable you to be a better person…I guess I'm just frustrated with myself sometimes…for the times when everyone has concrete conversation with an innate and mutual understanding, and I am the odd one out. I try not to single myself out, but it's just that I feel that their mature demeanor outweighs my immature way of life. I can't really participate in those deep conversations because I feel as though what I have to say would just be a juvenile phase which everyone has surpassed. It's like pitching in two rusty pennies when everyone's thoughts are worth gold. Yes, that was a silly analogy, but it kinda works. _

_Yes, I do acknowledge that everyone is older than me. They already have experiences that outweigh the years of my own life. They were more responsible- Snow was doing his best in taking care of his small family with Serah, Lightning watched out for Serah. Sazh looked out for Dajh, Fang for Vanille…and they all looked out for me too. _

_I guess that I want to be on the same level as them. Why though? _

As Hope finished the last sentence, he put down his pen on his desk and leaned back in his chair with his hands resting behind his head. He stared at the bumps on the ceiling of his room before turning his attention to his written entry; his handwriting was different from his usual print to the long, jagged letters. Although the words were not easy to read at first glance, he was somewhat satisfied by his effort of writing nonstop. He wrote whatever that came into his mind, something which one could rarely have the means to express in the 'real world.'

Sighing, Hope closed his journal, pressing down on the front cover to make the used pages align with the unused ones.

He looked towards his right, where his calendar emanated from the wall, pausing on a circled date.

**Author's note: **Whew! You made it! How was the first chapter? Boring? Cool? ADD-ish? Was Hope out of character? Reviews are welcome, since I would like to improve as a writer….although I will not grovel at your feet for them (since I'm writing for myself too).


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **Hey readers. I know that it's been a while since my first chapter. I do apologize for the wait. Responsibilities in life do get in the way of writing- but rest assured that they won't stop my writing. I realize that some characteristics of Snow don't quite add up to the Snow in the game. Rest assured, there is a reason for that, which will be addressed in the next chapter. Anyhoo, creative criticism is always welcome and valued. Lastly, FFXIII belongs to Square Enix, which is not me.

_The law of entropy states that the universe prefers disorder. The capricious nature of the world kind of makes you ambivalent towards it's intent, since more often than not, some things just aren't meant to work out. Some things are doomed to fail. For instance, my vegetable garden. Well, technically not 'mine,' since it wasn't my idea to get one in the first place. Fine, laugh. You're probably wondering how I ended up with one. Dad got one for my seventeenth birthday. He said something along the lines of "son, what makes you older is not your age, but the experience of having responsibility for another living thing." At first, I was kind of disappointed, since I received an airbike for my sixteenth birthday, I felt that this new gift just toppled my expectations. However, upon listening to Dad's speech, I was intrigued enough to try out this idea of creating something tangible, and having that responsibility of keeping another living thing alive by accommodating its needs. I couldn't wait to reinforce the idea that I was already responsible. So armed with my gardening tools and zealous intent, I was ready to tame the earth and create something magnanimous which was sure to epitomize my level of responsibility._

…_.._

_In less than a month, all of my plants died. Even though I took out the extra water when it rained, or covered them when the wind was too strong during those rainy days. Something was always off, and I still wonder if my approach to gardening was wrong. I'm not much of a gardener in case if you haven't realized, . Perhaps someone with expertise in this field would be able to tell me where I was off… But then I feel as though having someone helping me with it would defeat the purpose of taking care of living things with innate knowledge…ok, I'm being delusional again…(I blame the late hours in which I am keeping myself awake to write this journal entry.)_

_Anyway, Dad wasn't mad or disappointed, but I felt that he should have been that way, since I just proved myself unworthy of keeping the 'garden' alive. It's a good thing that I never got any pets. I would be crushed if they ever died. The worst part of my dead garden was watching as they turned yellow and shrivel up; I couldn't do anything to make them better. I couldn't shake off the tight pain in my chest from thinking if they were suffering due to my incompetence._

_Thus, marking the end of my gardening days. _

_So, in hopes of not dismissing my experiences as mistakes, I learned that some things perhaps are just destined to not work out. And the worst part is that even if you have a premonition, you never get a clear indication of what exactly is going to go wrong. In a way, it's like the hint of a vision that the fal'cie gave, and it the end of it, you just remember the blurriness of it all. Like having a few pieces of the puzzle without a complete picture in mind. _

_I know, I'm being pessimistic, and you're probably wondering if I have forgotten all of the things that I learned during my journey with everyone- you know, the lesson about beating the odds, and preserving with hope. I can just see Vanille shaking her head at what I'm saying, and Lightning crossing her arms and scoffing. But it's not that I've given up on anything; it's just that some things don't work out. Sometimes, not everything ends well as the way it starts. I can give you another example (particularly yesterday's). _

_I guess that I should start with my eighteenth birthday. _

Hope arose to the resonating sound emanating from the alarm clock. Resting on one arm, he reached up to click the alarm off. He momentarily collapsed on his pillow shortly, watching the a silhouette of his door from the light from the hallway. In his younger days, his mom would tell him that the silhouette was a magical door that led to other worlds. He asked if it could lead to Pulse. He couldn't quite remember her response. Perhaps because he didn't understand it back then. He always had trouble remembering things that he couldn't understand in the first place. He did remember that she smiled.

After performing his usual morning, getting-ready-for-the-day routine, he walked to the living room. He felt a sinking sensation in his chest as he realized that his dad wasn't there- he probably left early for work. It wasn't that his dad never went to work earlier than usual…

The day circled on Hope's calendar was Hope's eighteenth birthday; his father was always home for his birthdays. But he guessed that work prioritized his personal life. Hope quickly shook off the disappointment; he acknowledged that his father's work for the new government (Neo-Sanctum as Snow would call it) required him to leave at unexpected hours, thus rendering any promises null and void. Although Hope always had a feeling that his father would not keep his promises, as if it was a reflex, he could not help but reserve a tiny spot inside his head which looked to the bright side. Strangely, the bright side had not dwindled nor corroded by the broken promises- there was always next time. However, Hope could not shake off the frown that appeared upon realizing that his father did not even scratch a "happy birthday" on a note, nor did he send him a message through his cell.

Thus, after a morning jog, Hope made himself an omelet, studied for future examinations, and spent the remainder of his day doing crossword puzzles, brain teasers and sudokus which he had saved earlier for a rainy day.

It was almost evening when a sudden knock from the front door removed Hope from his monotones day. A small part of Hope was ready to jump to the door, expecting to see his father with an apologetic smile. Needless to say, Hope was disappointed when he found Snow's figure looming over the doorframe.

"What's up, Hope?"

At that moment, Hope suddenly felt a twinge of anger; he wasn't angry at Snow but at himself for even entertaining the thought of his father returning home, and saying, "I decided to take off early because it's your birthday!' Fat chance. His face might have displayed his feelings, because Snow's smile dissipated a little.

"Hey, what's with the homicidal look?"

"You're here, aren't you?" Answered Hope with a wry smile.

"Ouch. That hurts, Hope." Snow responded, feigning hurt by drooping his head.

"I was kidding," Hope said, opening the door of his house, and stepping back to invite Snow inside.

"I know," Snow answered as he stepped in the front door. "Nice place you got here," he added as he observed the interior of the abode. "It looks exactly like your home in Bodhum."

It had been exactly four years ago when the events of the Fal'cie started. Almost four years since Orphan was defeated by the iconoclastic team who defied their own fate of being Pulse l'cie. Since then, the population of Cocoon habited Pulse, a juxtaposing harsh environment in comparison to the sanctuary of Cocoon. Coincidentally, the Sanctum, or the human part of it, still maintained it's authority. People were ready to accept the new government as if the Sanctum was the one thing they could grab in dangerous and unexpected waters in which they were about to tread. His father still worked for the Sanctum. The Sanctum had reestablished the population in an area in which there were considerably fewer monsters. Even a barrier was built between the colony and the outside world, a remnant of the previous sheltered world. Strangely, that area was closest to Cocoon, which was now a hollow skeleton.

"Yeah," Hope responded after closing the door and entering in the living room, in which Snow stood, observing family photos. Hope said nothing as he looked at them too. They were mostly of his mother. "Would you like anything to drink, since you came here all the way?" Hope finally asked.

Snow turned and gave him a grin. "What's with the formalities, Hope? But no, thanks. I was already in town for something else. Anyway, I came here to take you somewhere."

Hope gave him a dubious look, to which Snow responded by his trademark wink after grinning. "Let's grab something to eat. I'll treat you- It _is _your birthday, right?" Hope nodded, yet not looking all too convinced.

Where are you thinking of?" Hope asked.

"It's a surprise," Snow said. Of course it would be a surprise. He saw Hope cross his arms, trying to see if there was something Snow wasn't letting on. "C'mon! It'll be fun! Especially since it's your _eighteenth_ birthday and all…" Snow reasoned.

Hope decided to amuse Snow by playing into Snow's plan, whatever it was, since there wasn't really much more to do at home. He decided to give up on waiting for his dad to surprise him at moment's notice. Hope decided to change into grey cargo pants and a plain black t-shirt, wearing a light, navy blue jacket over. When he came downstairs, Snow was occupying himself by staring at the backyard scenery. After Hope's attempts to produce a viable garden failed miserably, his father had hired a gardener as well as a landscaper to embellish the land in hopes of making Hope forget about his mistake. Hope, however, construed the effort as an attempt of his father to conceal something embarrassing, a failure; something that his father avoided being, since the perfectionist that he was, he prioritized work above his family. Hope couldn't say that his father was a failure though; ever since his mother passed away, and ever since the reestablishment of Cocoon's population in Pulse, he had worked hard to maintain his place in the Sanctum as he had in Cocoon. He had attempted to spend more quality time with Hope by traveling to different cities, such as Eden and New Bodhum. He had always kept up with Hope's birthdays (except for today's). Suddenly, Hope felt something that pulled on his heart, feeling guilty for questioning his father's devotion to him earlier. He didn't need his father to wish him a happy birthday; he would love him anyway.

"Let's go, buddy," Snow said, patting Hope on the back as he made his way towards the front door. After locking the door, Hope looked questioningly at Snow as Snow patted the seat behind him of his airbike.

"Maybe I should take mine," Hope suggested, rubbing the back of his head.

"Hop in, kid." He said, pointing his thumb to the vacant area. "'My treat' includes you not having to spend energy."

Hope resisted the urge to give a defeated sigh before moving hesitantly behind Snow. Arguing with Snow was similar to arguing with a wall, except that a wall would have a greater chance of caving in than Snow. Once Snow makes up his mind, it's hard to convince him otherwise, a quality which complements his role as a sentinel.

"Oh, and I almost forgot this," Snow said as he took out a black cloth, holding it towards Hope.

At first, Hope gave him a confused glance, before realizing that Snow intended the destination to be a surprise.

"You've got to be kidding me," He said, not taking his arms away from his side. There was no way that he was going to be blindfolded.

"'Fraid not," Snow said in almost a serious tone.

Before sighing, Hope decided one last chance. "How about…you trust me to keep my eyes closed?"

To Hope's surprise, Snow removed the blindfold from Hope's proximity. "Fine, I'll take your word for it. But if I catch you peeking, you'll be missing out on something really awesome."

"I promise." Hope said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

As Snow started the airbike, Hope prepared himself for a bumpy ride. Snow wasn't exactly known for smooth driving, although it was hard to believe that the man hadn't endured any accidents in the past years. There usually weren't any "everyone has their seatbelts on?" remarks with Snow. Perhaps that is why Hope's eyes widened in astonishment as Snow turned to Hope once more, asking, "Did you put on your safety belt?" There must have been a butterfly flapping its wings on the other side of pulse, for this was the second time that Snow surprised Hope; the first once being the suggestion of starting a journal entry. Hope decided to take note of this, and keep it in the back of his mind until later. After giving Snow a small nod, the airbike lifted off the ground, it's engine humming as it prepared to fly towards whatever destination that Snow had in mind.

Before Hope could register, he inevitably wrapped his arms around Snow as a reflex upon the airbike's acceleration. He quickly removed them. Had his eyes been open, he would have seen Snow's smug grin. During the ride, Hope tried to keep his mind situated on anything but his current predicament; he was on Snow's airbike. Snow's. Of all people. Although he felt safer wearing the seatbelt, a part of him was still afraid of slipping off and hitting the ground with a splat. Unfortunately, he still remembered his first time falling off of Snow's bike in Palumpolum.

He diverted his attention to another topic, trying to ignore the air current passing through his hair. He thought about how everyone else were doing. Sazh and Dajh were currently living in New Bodhum. Dajh would actually be turning ten sometime this month. Hope wondered what Dajh would like for his birthday. Perhaps he could get an all expense-paid trip to Nautilus, a city which Dajh had still yet to visit. Snow, Serah and Lightning were currently residing in New Bodhum too. Snow and Serah had married shortly after the restoration of the cities in Pulse. Snow became a bodyguard, and so he was able to support Serah. Serah became an elementary school teacher, which wasn't surprising to Hope considering her upbeat personality and kind demeanor. He then wondered how Lightning was faring. After all, Serah was the most precious person in her life. It was still pretty astonishing to everyone how Lightning entrusted Snow with her sister. Not to demean Snow, but Hope always thought that her standards of Serah's husband would be too high for any man to reach. Nevertheless, during the group's journey as l'cie had changed Lightning's and Hope's perspectives of Snow. Hope could no longer recall the burning hatred he felt of Snow earlier, as it abated when he realized that the death of his mother was definite. Lightning had probably accepted Snow as a future brother-in-law in his endeavors in helping Serah as well as wearing Serah's tear as his badge of courage. Could he trust this man to take him to whatever place he was intending to go, safely? Of course, he could, he thought. Snow is good at protecting his friends.

Hope almost opened his eyes when he felt a bump. More so after when Snow gave a remark about how he needs to upgrade his airbike. However, the promise that Hope made to Snow before the departure was fresh in his mind; he didn't want to break his word. Although he was compromising his promise with his life on the potentially and possibly unsafe vehicle. However, he decided that if he was going down, he would rather that he go down with happy thoughts instead of his last moments of impending doom.

He thought about Lightning- he admitted to himself that she was a happier thought than the thought of flying in an airbike with Snow. Much happier. He hadn't seen Lightning in months. He hadn't written to her either- he used to type long messages to her at first, but then he started to get busy with his things in his own life, and Light had probably as well. She had made progress that proved her caliber. She had been promoted to 1st Lieutenant in the Guardian Corps last year. There was no doubt that she would persevere in the military and earn a higher ranking. Hope doubted that she concentrated on the ranking more than her work; she put effort in her work that her superiors clearly recognized. Perhaps thinking of Serah still motivated Lightning give nothing less than her best in protecting the civilians.

"Hey," Snow said, tearing Hope out of his thoughts. "What are you thinking about back there?"

"Nothing much…just anything that would stray my thoughts from your driving." Hope answered, which was more or less than the truth. He was glad that he didn't put an adjective for Snow's driving.

"Is it that bad?" Snow asked after a small laugh.

"Not really," Hope answered. "It's just…something I'm not really used to."

Snow smiled to himself. "I'm thinking of getting a car. Would you feel safer in that?"

Hope crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat. Since when did he care about his safety? Perhaps he was thinking about Serah's well being. Hope always thought that Snow and Serah would get right to having a big happy family. However, with the onset of the events that followed reforming standard living conditions for the untrained civilian population, the dream had to be deferred. Snow had to also explore the possibility of finding a job that would be able to support both him and Serah. "Depends on your driving, Snow. Are you thinking about it for your future family?"

"Maybe I am," Snow said, glancing back at the younger man. "I see that you're keeping your promise, Hope. You can actually open your eyes now. This trip might take a little longer."

"Sure this won't ruin anything for me?" Hope asked.

"I think that you'll be fine," Snow responded.

Hope slowly opened his eyes, and then looked at the scenery as the wind around him made more sense since he could see himself moving. He was surprised to see himself crossing the border of Palumpolum.

"Might I ask where you're taking me, then?" Hope asked.

"To Bodhum." Snow answered. Although the politically correct term was New Bodhum, people referred to it as the city that existed before it.

"That wasn't part of the surprise, was it?" Hope asked, feeling lighter as he watched the current surroundings.

"It kinda was supposed to be…but it's taking longer than I thought."

"You didn't think the plan through, did you?" Hope stated than asked.

"Guess not, but hey, I'm not bringing you here for sightseeing. It's something else." Snow defended.

"Like what?"

"That's the secret." Snow said. Before Hope could say anything, Snow quickly started a new topic. "So, what're you planning to do, since you've graduated high school?"

Hope almost pouted at Snow's strategy, but nevertheless answered Snow's question for the tenth time, since Snow had asked the same thing for the past month.

"I'm taking courses offered by the military to be a medic. Other than that, I'm planning on going to Eden University."

"Cool," Snow answered. "Major?"

"I'm thinking of physiology and neurobiology." Hope said.

"Two majors?" Snow asked.

"They might as well be," He answered. "The course content is really compact. But they only offer it as a single major."

"You're always so ambitious." Snow said, grinning.

"Not really," Hope said. "There were some students who were double major in math and science. They're more outgoing."

"Even then…" Snow drifted off. Before Hope could answer him, he saw the sign on the freeway indicating the approaching of Bodhum. Hope couldn't contain the feeling of excitement, something that he didn't feel in a long time. Even on his birthday. Without a word, he watched the airbike reduce its speed since they reached an exit to a town instead of a freeway. Hope couldn't help but feel a little alleviated from his previous thoughts in his hometown. Although he wasn't an advocate of "out of sight, out of mind," he couldn't help but agree with the phrase; he felt that his frustration was left behind in Palumpolum forty-five minutes ago.

"We're here," Snow said. Hope hadn't even felt the airbike land when encapsulated in his own thoughts. Someday, thinking too much just might become his undoing. It was a good thing that his head wasn't in the clouds during the adventures as a l'cie. He glanced at the building whose parking lot Snow's airbike occupied. The building was more of a café; there were small, round tables, embellished with navy blue umbrellas, occupying the space outside of the shop. The parking lot was mainly empty, which was strange, considering that it was only about 6pm. Usually they were open much later- he had been to some in Palumpolum with his friends during the coffee house nights. Although he wasn't particularly fond of coffee, he did enjoy being in the company of friends as well as people who shared their inner selves through the medium of poetry.

However, this place was not inciting those warm feelings associated with those coffee house nights. He followed Snow cautiously, looking around as if expecting anything out of the ordinary jump out at him. For some reason, he just could not entrust his complete well being to Snow. Snow, on the other hand, gave him a friendly slap on the back, which nearly made Hope jump back on reflex, his converse barely missing a small, empty water bottle on the pavement. Even at five feet six, Hope could not help but still feel short and small in comparison to Snow's height and large build. "What was that for?," he grumbled, noticing how shaky his own voice sounded in the empty area.

"Sorry, buddy, couldn't help it. You looked too serious." Answered Snow.

"Gee, thanks for the consideration." Hope answered, stepping closer to the front door, behind Snow.

"Why are you bringing me to a closed place?" Hope asked, having already observed the darkness around the area."

"It's closed?" Snow asked?

"Normal places have lights in the parking lot at this time," Hope vindicated. He couldn't help but display some suspicion in his voice.

"Uh…., I left something in the airbike. Can you just knock on the door to see if it's open?" Snow asked rather quickly, stepping down the stairs before Hope could answer, making Hope cast a suspicious glance in Snow's direction. The café looked vacant, dark and obviously closed. He hoped that Snow wasn't leading Hope into a sketchy place in which he would be knocked unconscious by potentially shady occupants in the dark building. Sighing, Hope knocked on the door.

As he thought, there was no response from the other side. Too bad there was no "open/closed" sign in the window to indicate any obvious signs of being actually open. Hope decided to try the doorknob, which easily clicked as he turned it. He stepped back as the door creaked open by the possible air current. Instead of running far away from the darkness of the room, something compelled him to enter. The door behind him closed by itself, trapping him inside complete darkness. His mind did not register the moment until he noticed that he could not see his hands. He wondered for a second which direction he was facing. Which way was the exit? What was going to happen? Before his mind could concoct any scenarios of what could happen to him, lights suddenly flashed on with a unanimous "Surprise!"

**Author's note: **I bet the surprise was unexpected. (I was aiming for sarcasm, if you missed it). I decided to make this journal entry encompass two chapters because I didn't want to make everyone's eyes bleed with incessant banter. So, chapter three should be up sometime soon…just not now…Creative criticism would help, but I shall not grovel at your feet for it, since I'm writing for myself too.


End file.
